The Kids Are Alright;
Soy un Perdedor

ekt's ezboard profile

Note: The following was originally written for The Best Adult Swim Webpage on the Internet, but the site never got around to putting up profiles, and probably never will. So I'm gonna edit mine and use it here, instead. If anybuddy else wants to submit profiles, just for the hell of it or whatever, please feel free.

Subsequent note: My handle is now teknomage, not ekt anymore, but folks at the ASMB still call me ekt, so whatevers. I guess it was still ekt when I wrote this, but now... I'm probably going to do some more editing of the profile.... I was thinking I might just delete the whole thing, but upon rereading it, I still find some of it kinda funny. Although other parts of it I don't really like anymore, but I'll keep them anyway....

Today I thought I would write an article about the most boring interesting subject in the world, me. (You can tell I'm interesting because I know enough html to strike out a word.) Where to begin? My name is Dave, but I go by many others; these days primarily ekt, which is short for ektomage. It used to be teknomage, which I changed when I died and became a ghost (fictitiously speaking, of course). [edit: as I said, it's teknomage again, or tek for short] You can find the whole story on my personalities page. Which is, of course, just a small part of my homepage, where you can also find many of my other names, along with tons of other boring interesting crap shit.

One of the most interesting things about me is that I'm a writer. By which I chiefly mean that every once in a while I get an idea and jot it down so I'll remember to write about it someday. Which I'll never do, because I have no time, and when I do have time I have other things to do with it, like watch TV or do the Internet. And because I'm a procrastinator. And because I have a constant case of writer's inertia. And because when I do write anything it usually sucks anyway. And because even the rare clever things I write would never get published. Despite all this, someday I'll be rich and famous, because I'm touched by Vorlons by an angel in the head by greatness. So anyway, you'll want to pretend to be my friend now so you can be really cool by dumping me once I'm famous.

Someday I'll work on detailing all my psychological problems on my homepage, which I tried to do before, but later decided I seriously needed to update. However, that project is more or less on the back burner, and has a long way to go. For now I'll just talk about how I like Adult Swim, despite the fact that it's mostly watched by teenagers, despite the fact that it's ostensibly marketed to adults, hence the name "Adult Swim." This is because I have the mind of a teenager. Which is odd because from the time I was born until roughly my early 20s, I had the mind of a 40 year old. These days my mind is essentially mush, and the most challenging task I generally set it is planning my party for the next game of Pokemon Silver I'm going to play. (In the past I didn't have any other games because I couldn't afford them; now I just can't find anything for GBC anymore, so one of these days I should get me a GBA, no bloody A, B, C, D, or SP.) [edit: I feel the burning need to explain that that's a reference to something Scottie said in an episode of ST:TNG. I should also say that I eventually did get a GBA, as well as Pokemon Yellow, and Sapphire, and Emerald. But I'm still hoping to get a Nintendo DS and some other Pokemon games in the future.]

Where was I? I don't have much in common with much of anyone, really, especially old people like me (at the time of this writing, I'm 28). [edit: at time of new editing I am 31, but everything I'm saying here still holds true.] I identify more with teenagers. I like alot of their music and TV shows and such. One of my most favoritest things in the world is cartoons, and that includes anime especially. But any cartoons or anime can be good, bad, indifferent, genius, or total shit. One of the best sources for animation, in my limited experience, is Adult Swim. This includes everything from pure genius to the aforementioned shit. Unfortunately. But it's all subjective, of course. There is no right or wrong in terms of people's opinions of what they like or dislike, unless you like Groovenians or some purely objective shit like that. (I kid, because I don't give Gary Andrews' ass what Groovenians fans think of me or anything I say.)

You heard me. I said "Gary Andrews' ass." Don't think I don't know when something I say is utterly lame, because I so do. I say lame stuff all the time. I can't help it. It's just one of countless things I hate about me, so shut up. Who the hell asked you to read this shite, anyway? [edit: Gary Andrews was the main character in a cartoon called "Gary the Rat."]

Where was I? And why the hell did I ever stop taking ginkgo biloba? Oh yes... I identify more with teenagers than anyone else, which is why I try to emulate them, by which I mean I'm always picking up on and copying any new slang they use, mostly online. And here I'm speaking chiefly of the fine folks at The Adult Swim Message Board (and by "fine folks" I mean... actually, I'm not quite sure what I mean by "fine folks"....) And my younger cousins and their friends, who mainly seem to hang out at [edit: site I previously linked to is gone now]. Anyway, as I was saying, I start using the kids' slang, and then after awhile they stop using it and make up something else. I am the "mainstream" personified. Sorry. I don't mean to be a ruiner. I just can't help it. Anyway-

Wait... did I just call myself "mainstream"? Um... that's a terribly rare and unusual thing for me to say. In most respects, I am so not mainstream. I don't want to say "antithesis," per se, but... yeah, I'm the antithesis of mainstream. Except for a few things. Addendum: It suddenly occurs to me that in this respect (the respect of being largely anti-mainstream but in some ways all too mainstream, in particular emulating the kids online), I'm an awful lot like those wacky comedy gods over at Williams Street. (And when I say "suddenly," I mean of course that the mainstream part of my being like Williams Street occurred to me a day or two ago, and the anti-mainstream part of my being like Williams Street occurred to me just a minute ago while reading one of Kon's articles.) Anyway, moving on....

Even teenagers I don't have much in common with. I'm so alone. The saddest thing is someday the teenagers I hang out with online will grow up, but I never will. And even if I did, Hook would just end up kidnapping my kids, who I'll never have because no woman in her right mind would ever want me. Which is fine because I don't want kids anyway. It's bad enough having virtual strangers surpass me in maturity, I certainly wouldn't want my own kids to do so. Plus babies are like the ickiest things on Earth. Of course, I wouldn't want a woman in her right mind, anyway, I could only ever love someone who's as messed up as I am. And someone who thinks of herself as a girl as much as I think of myself as a boy. I mean as opposed to woman and man. I'm so not a man. Except for technically. Obviously I'd want a girl who was technically a woman, what with not wanting to be a child molester or pedophile or whatever. Also she'd have to love cartoons and anime. And preferably be an anime girl herself, cuz anime girls are the hottest. (This is another of my many psychological problems, shared by millions and deftly capitalized upon by Japanese animation companies.)

Um... okay, I'm not sure what else to say right now. I'm sure this isn't enough. Either that, or it's too much. Or maybe it's both too much and not enough, all at the same time. Actually, I'm not sure of anything. Hmmm. Well, anyway... Cowboy Bebop is the best anime ever shown on AS so far, but I never watch it anymore cuz I've seen it all a few times. Space Ghost is the best cartoon ever shown on AS, and always will be, but I almost never watch it because I've seen it all before and it's fucking cancelled, meaning no more new episodes, which is one of the single dumbest things ever to happen in the history of the Universe. (Update: it doesn't seem quite as cancelled as it was when I first wrote this profile.) [edit: now it seems cancelled again. I guess.] Home Movies and ATHF are also some bloody brilliant shit, and I guess AS also has some other shows that don't suck, in addition to the ones that do, which shall remain nameless, because I have the memory of a particularly forgetful rutabega, and I'm too damn lazy to look it up. Now I'll shut up and stop bothering you, but maybe I'll think of some other pointless important things to tell you about myself and what I think of Adult Swim and stuff, later. Although mostly that'll be on my homepage anyway, I guess. [edit: I don't remember exactly what I meant by that, but I'm assuming I said it because this article was supposed to be on a different site. I think. Probably.]

Otakuphrenia Index